Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Secession petitioners please don't let the door hit you.

Since the reelection of Barack Obama, news accounts ( have been popping up that some of our nation's conservative citizens cannot bring themselves to accept the will of their countrymen. Instead of working within the framework of our democracy and accepting that their views are in the minority, these people have signed petitions stating that they would rather tear assunder the domestic unity of this nation and have their states broken off from the United States.

I won't bother with facetiously pretending I think this is a good or serious idea, much as it would please me to imagine the American political conversation without all of the jihadi evangelist, and self-satisfied tea bagger idiocy. Still, it is a very serious step to make such a request, and it requires a response.

So, I say to the signatories of these petitions, you really should grow up and try to deal with your countrymen in a more adult manner. Barring that, I think you should consider emigrating to a country with values more in accordance with yours - unpleasant to imagine as such a country might be. This step would be a far less disruptive way of expressing your petulance.

Still, if you can't bear moving, and if the majority of the citizens of your state share your feelings, well then I believe our nation will be better without you. The minority of sane and civil citizens of your state should be extended limited immigration rights to the U.S., but for any fools whose names can be found on any of these petitions of secession, instant, permanent and irrevocable expulsion from these United States should accompany the act of secession.

I would say I wish you well in your future independence, but really I only wish to never hear or speak of you again.